| Sequel to Emo Alison story |
[Apr. 29th, 2004|06:30 pm] |
The Adventures of Emo Alison
“An Emo Wedding”
By Rachel Dyke (Lia Holloway too)
It was a cold, crisp, Saturday morning in Annapolis, Maryland. A fresh blanket of snow covered the cobblestone streets of old Naptown (Worldwide, What!). This day, December 18th 2004 was the day of Chris and Alison’s emo wedding. Chris had proposed to Alison on October 21st, her 18th birthday. He took her out to Starbucks, where they first met. Alison ordered a Venti White Chocolate Mocha in which Chris had secretly placed a 5-karat diamond and trillion cut diamond engagement ring worth $130,000 at the bottom of her cup. Alison almost choked and died on the ring, but Shakira saved the day and Alison’s life by giving her the Heimlich maneuver. Alison said yes, and they began planning for their winter nuptials after they were finished making out behind the cappuccino machine.
Shakira’s twin, Rachel had insisted on designing Alison’s dress but Alison politely declined fearing her dress turn out looking like a disaster of goose feathers, plastic flowers, and bedazzles. Alison compromised and agreed to let Rachel design the bridesmaid dresses. Alison’s
bridesmaids included Rachel, Lia and her twin J.Lo, Shakira, MTV VJ SuChin Pak, and Katie.
The night before:
Chris and Alison decided to have their rehearsal dinner at The Chart House down by the water in Annapolis. They rented out the entire restaurant for the evening. Chris and Alison greeted each and every one of their 150 guests. Including fellow emo Rachel who brought her Latino husband, Marco Consuelo and their 3-month old twin boys, Benji and Jose. How did this all happen you ask? Make a long story short. Rachel went for a weekend trip to Mexico and drank a few too many Mike’s Hard Lemonades. She came back to Maryland married and pregnant. Don’t even ask her what happened, cause she couldn’t tell you. By the end of the night everyone was wasted. Apparently P. Diddy crashed the party along with his posse. Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Method Man and Redman were among the attendees at this red carpet event where the Cristal was flowing like water.
It was about 11am when the plans for their evening wedding at St. Anne’s Church went underway. Alison and Chris had requested that the church be decorated with photos of their emo God, Chris Carrabba, looking away from the camera of course. A true emo never looks into the camera for it will rid him of his soul.
Alison walked down to Starbucks by herself and ordered a cappuccino just before she was due to pick up her wedding dress at the shop just across the street. Alison stepped outside onto the sidewalk into the snow making a trail of footprints as she walked to the edge of the street. She stood there with her hands shoved into the pockets of her black pea coat. She was waiting for a break in the traffic so she could pass over the cobblestone street to the other side. As the mid-day sun slowly shifted its glow over the colonial structures of Annapolis a glint of light reflected in the corner of her eye. She turned her head in the direction of the sparkle. A gust of icy wind blew her hair in her face and blocked her view. She pulled her hand out of her pocket and swept her hair to the side. Before her eyes stood an emo hottie she had never seen before. He had a barbell through his left eyebrow and stud in his nose, but her eyes naturally focused on his lip ring located in the center of his bottom lip. He was standing just a couple inches from her. She longed for the sleeve of his “Thursday” hoodie to graze against her side. He exhaled heavily and turned his attention toward her.
“Good times”, he said casually in an Adam Carolla like fashion. The color of his expressive deep brown eyes reminded her of the chocolate shavings sprinkled onto the whipped cream of her Starbucks Mocha Cappuccino. He smiled at her. His lip ring glistened like B2K’s platinum bling bling rings. Finally, Alison replied.
“Yeah...good times”, she could barely get the words out. He adjusted the loose pieces of his wispy jet-black hair under his green trucker hat.
“So…where are you off to?” he asked. Alison looked across the street and pointed to the Bridal Shop.
“I’m going to pick up my wedding dress”. She looked back at him.
“You’re getting married?!” he looked at her surprisingly.
“Yep”, Alison smiled.
“When?” He asked as he put his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie.
“6 o’clock tonight at St. Anne’s Church” she replied.
“Wow, congratulations!” he pulled his hands out of his front pocket and placed one on Alison’s shoulder. Then they walked across the street side by side. When they got to the other side, they turned and faced each other.
“Well, it was nice talking to you” Alison said.
“…Yeah, have fun and congratulations again on that” he told her.
“Thank you so much” Alison said. They waved and turned in the opposite directions. He got about five steps away and stopped. He stalled, and then finally turned around.
“Hey!”, Emo guy said. Alison turned around. “If you’re not doing anything after you get your dress I was wondering if you wanted to go to Ben & Jerry’s with me? We’ll get some Chunky Monkey” He was nervous.
“Um…sure. I think I’ll have some extra time before I have to go get ready” She said.
“Alright, I’ll meet you outside the store…I guess. When will you be finished?’ he asked.
“You know what, I have no idea. How about you wait inside the store with me” She offered.
“Really? That’d be great” He beamed.
“All of my bridesmaids are meeting me there. I’ll introduce you to them” She said.
“Thanks, I’d love to meet them” he exclaimed. He began to follow her into the store. He quickly walked up to the door before her and held it open.
SMACK! Alison wasn’t paying attention and walked into the wall next to the doorway.
“No one saw that!” She yelled. Emo guy laughed. Alison rubbed her throbbing head as she walked into the store.
The slutty blond-haired employee greeted them.
“How can I help you?” She said looking at them as she chewed her Icebreakers gum with her mouth open. Her pale blue eyes heavily lined with like 8 pounds of black eyeliner and 10 coats of mascara resembled that of Christina Aguilera. She wore enough lip-gloss to float a battleship and her hair was crispier than a McDonalds chicken sandwich. Alison and him were nearly knocked out by the scent of Glow by J.Lo that surrounded her.
“Um, I have a dress to pick up. Camp, Alison” She told the whorish employee in a mini skirt that she had no business wearing.
“I’ll go check,” She said turning away. Her torn nylons lay beneath her slutty BeBe hooker boots.
Emo boy puts his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans. He looked around the store. The way the crystal chandelier lit up the glazed cream-colored walls made him feel like grabbing his acoustic guitar and writing a song. Alison and him sat down at the antique colonial style white satin loveseat, which was placed in front of the magnificent bay window gently letting in the 12 o’clock sunlight through its sheer white curtains.
“What’s your name? I never asked” Alison said.
“I’m Sean” he replied.
“Alison” she responded.
The girl emerged in the room carrying a white silk beaded dress wrapped in plastic.
“Here you are Mr. And Mrs.---” She began.
“Oh no!” Sean and Alison both exclaimed. “Were not getting married” They both laughed.
“Do you want to try it on?” The girl asked as she carried the dress with her arms, which were orange and streaked with Hawaiian Tropic fake tanner.
“Sure” Alison replied.
Just then all of her bridesmaids emerged through the door with a burst of laughter and loud chatter. They had just come from the Bed& Breakfast down the street. The 6 girls greeted Alison, surrounded her, and gave her a big group hug. Alison got stuck between the insanely large asses of J.Lo and Shakira. Rachel’s husband came into the store shortly after pushing a stroller with the baby twins in it.
“Thank you mi chico latino” Rachel said as she greeted him at the door. “How are my little hotties?” She said happily leaning over the stroller. She picked up little Benji who was dressed in a black baby sized AFI shirt, a diaper, and tiny little converses. Black for sure. Little Jose was asleep clutching a mini-vinyl record as he drooled onto his Good Charlotte bib.
“Marco, you need to go rent your tuxedo”. Rachel held baby Benji with one arm and pulled her black crocodile skin Gucci wallet out of the back pocket of her Armani jeans. “Here’s $150, the store is right down the street” She handed him the money, patted him on the ass, then signaled him to go.
“No hablo ingles, Senorita” He said in Spanish looking very confused.
“Yeah, that sounds great” Rachel replied. “Now go, go! Vamanos!” she shouted. Marco exited out of the store and started walking in the wrong direction. With one hand Rachel pushed the stroller over to couch where Sean was sitting.
“Damn, you’re sexy!” Rachel exclaimed looking at him with his chocolate brown eyes and shaggy emo hair.
“Oh, this is Sean.” Alison walked over. “I met him outside” she explained to her. Rachel gave Alison approving thumbs up then she looked at Sean and gave him the double guns.
“Oh my God, Alison, you have to see the bridesmaid dresses” Rachel said as pulled the baby’s diaper bag out of the stroller. “Marco just finished sewing them last night”. She sat on the off-white colored carpet and began changing Benji. The twins had dark brown hair and dark eyes. Rachel was convinced that with Marco’s dark features and her curly hair the babies would turn out looking like Brandon Boyd from Incubus. Alison went into the back and tried on her designer Vera Wang dress that Vera had especially designed for her. A few minutes later she emerged from the dressing room. Everyone gasped. This was the first time anyone had ever seen her wearing it. She checked herself out in the mirror.
“Aww. Alison. Seeing you in that dress almost makes me wanna get married for the 27th time.” J.Lo said.
“Does it make my butt look big?” Alison asked Shakira as she checked her backside.
“Please…look who you are talking to for I am Shakira, the number one Colombian big booty queen” she replied in her comical Spanish accent.
“Oh my God!” Alison exclaimed.
“Oh my God, What?” Rachel asked.
“I think I’m gonna throw up” Alison said holding her hand over her mouth. She bolted to the back of the store and went into the bathroom.
“Oh my God, I hope she’s okay. The wedding is in like 5 hours”. J.Lo said.
“Maybe she’s just nervous” SuChin Pak said.
“Maybe she’s pregnant…” Rachel said as she put Benji’s baby black Dickies on.
Alison stumbled out the bathroom door. They all rushed over to her including Sean.
“Take off the dress, you’ll get icky on it” Shakira said.
“Alison, have you been having pre-martial relations with Chris?” Rachel question. “Cause that is a big ‘no dice’”. Rachel did the “no dice” hand movements.
“Look who’s talking” Alison said.
“Hey, were talking about you here, not me” Rachel quickly replied. “Have you got your flow this month?”
“No…”Alison replied holding her stomach in pain.
“Just as I suspected. You should take a pregnancy test”. Rachel responded. “You really should, I’ll go pick one up”.
Rachel went and put Benji back into his stroller.
“Sean, you’re coming with me,” Rachel ordered.
“Uhhh…” Sean tried to come up with an excuse but Rachel yanked him by his hoodie and pulled him out of the store.
They arrived at the drugstore just at the end of the street. Rachel led Sean to the feminine products. (She knew exactly where they were) They walked up to the checkout line and standing in front of her was Alison’s to-be husband, emo Chris. Sean took one look at him and picked up an InStyle magazine and pretended to read it.
“Chris, what are you doing here?” Rachel asked. She gasped. “Chris! Are you buying cigarettes?”
She exclaimed referring to his box of Camel Lights.
“I know, I know!” Chris said as his hung his head in shame. His slightly greasy hair fell over his eyes. “This whole thing is making me nervous and-” Chris paused.
“Who’s that pregnancy test for?” He asked. Rachel looked down at the EPT test in her hand.
“Alis-…I mean…me” Rachel answered.
“Oh…didn’t you just have kids like a few months ago.” Chris asked. Rachel nodded. “Jesus Christ, you’re turning into Kelly Ripa.” He added.
“Well, I gotta go back to the hotel and get ready” Chris said putting the cigarettes in the front pocket of his black Dickies button up shirt. “See you tonight”. He left
Sean put the December InStyle with Jennifer Love Hewitt on the cover back on the newsstand.
“Oh my God!, I hate that guy” He exclaimed.
“Why?” Rachel asked. “That’s Alison’s fiancé”.
“That’s who Alison is marrying?” Sean said. He was pissed.
“Why, what’d he do?” Rachel was concerned. Sean sighed and looked around.
“Chris is my half-brother. His dad married my mom when I was 6. They moved into our house.” Sean began. “We got along really good at first. We were like best friends. Just for fun we decided to start band when were like 15”
“An emo band?” Rachel asked.
“Of course” Sean replied. “Anyway, it was okay at first. We both had decided I was lead singer and he was lead guitar cause I can sing better than him. Then, he accused me of things like hooking up with his girlfriend, he said I wore fake Converses, that I copied off of him when I got my lip pierced…. I could go on. We got into this huge fight after a show once. The cops showed up. We were both arrested. Chris told our parents that I started it. I was so pissed at everyone, I moved out and lived with the drummer of the band for a while and I haven’t talked to Chris since. I try to keep everything on the DL. I barely leave the house anymore during the day.”
“Wait” Rachel said. “No one told you that your own brother was getting married?”
“No, I don’t talk to my mom or my step-dad anymore” Sean replied. “I’m moving to California after New Years. I hate it here.”
“What’ll you do?” Rachel asked.
“I don’t know, I’ll figure it out someday” Sean trailed off. “I’m really sorry, but I gotta go”
“Why?” Rachel asked.
“I need to think” Sean said as he began to walk away. “Listen, don’t tell Alison what I just told you about Chris”.
“You got it”. Rachel replied. “Will she ever see you again?”
Sean stopped and turned around. He looked at Rachel.
“I don’t think so”. He exited through the sliding glass doors.
Rachel returned to the bridal shop carrying the plastic bag containing the pregnancy test. Alison greeted her.
“Where’s Sean?”. She asked.
“He had to go.” Rachel walked over to the stroller with her twins in it. Jose was getting fussy. She picked him up and checked his diaper.
“Are you gonna take the test?” Rachel asked.
“Yeah, I should.” Alison sighed. “I’m worried”
“Why, you’re getting married. It’s not like you’ll be alone with a baby. I’m sure it’ll be great news if you are”.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Alison said. She walked to the back of the store, entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her. About 15 minutes later Alison exited. She was silent. All of her bridesmaids huddled around her in curiosity.
“Positive”. Alison said.
St. Anne’s Church was decorated lavishly in deep reds, glowing gold, and sparkling crystal whites. Inside the church gave a contrasting warm atmosphere against the cold December air outside. All of the guests were seated in the pews decorated with lilies and twinkle lights. Alison was in one of the back rooms making sure she looked perfect. All of her bridesmaids were wearing their floral dresses for the first time. Each girl wore a different color dress. Rachel in yellow, Lia in purple, SuChin in red, Shakira in orange, J.Lo in green, and Katie in pink. Chris was in a separate room with his groomsmen. A cloud of cigarette smoke escaped the room every time one of the guys opened the door. Chris’ groomsmen included Joel, Benji, Billy, and Paul from Good Charlotte, Ashton Kutcher, and Colin Farrell. The 6:00pm wedding was due to begin in 10 minutes. The soft chatter of the guests could be heard throughout the church. Some of the guests included John Mayer, B2K, Quinn from The Used, Conan O’Brien, Nicole Kidman, Josh Hartnett, Ewan McGregor, Kate Winslet, Heath Ledger, Ben Affleck, Kate Hudson, Jay Mohr, Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew, Jimmy Kimmel, John Cusack, Cameron Diaz, Gwyneth Paltrow, Christina Aguilera, David Alan Grier, Robbie Williams, The Osbournes, Keanu Reeves, Enrique Inglesias, Jack Black, Christopher Walken, Mike Myers, Halle Berry, Jimmy Fallon, Tom Welling, Avril Lavigne and the Spice Girls just to name a few. The reception included performances from The White Stripes, Finch, The All-American Rejects, and a special performance from Jimmy Fallon.
The wedding planner came by the rooms of the bridesmaids and groomsmen.
“It’s starting” She said. “Walk out and pair off”.
Alison’s maid of honor Rachel walked down the aisle with Chris’ best man, Colin Farrell. Rachel was down with that. She just realized that she hadn’t seen her husband, Marco since earlier that afternoon at the bridal shop. She shrugged it off and met up with Colin at the end of the aisle. They interlocked arms and began to walk. Joel was with J.Lo, Benji was with Shakira, Billy was with Lia, Paul was with SuChin, and Katie was paired with Ashton.
The wedding went underway without a hitch until the preist asked.
“Is there any reason why these two should not be married? Speak now or forever hold your peace”.
The door to the chapel swung open letting in a gust of cold air. Some guy entered. No one could see his face since his hoodie was covering it. He raced to the front of the church and tore off the hood from his head. It was Sean. He shook out his hair sending snowflakes flying in all directions.
The church spectators murmured in confusion.
“Sean!?” Chris exclaimed.
“How do you know Sean?” Alison asked Chris.
“How do you know Sean?” Chris asked Alison.
“Alison, I love you! I love you more than Chris ever will.” Sean yelled.
Everyone gasped. Chris grabbed Sean by the neck.
“You need to leave dude,” Chris said to Sean in an angry tone.
“RACHEL’S NOT EMO!” Lia yelled. The crowd gasped. Rachel looked around.
“You bitch!” Rachel exclaimed.
Suddenly a loud crash came from above. The audience shrieked in horror. Pieces of the ceiling fell through onto the floor. Finally Shakira came into view. She wore a jetpack and landed in the middle of the church.
“Shakira? But I thought Shakira was already here” Benji looked at Shakira on his arm.
She walked over to her.
“This is not Shakira. I am the only Shakira. This is an imposter.” She yelled in her Spanish accent.
She ripped of the Shakira mask and wig.
The audience gasped.
“Chris Carrabba!” Alison exclaimed. “You were disguised Shakira this whole time?”
“Yes” Chris replied.
“At the coffee shop…You saved me from choking on my ring” She said.
“I know… I love you Alison” Chris Carrabba replied. “Come on, I’ll take you away from here. We’ll live on a farm and have lots of kids.”
“Chris, I can’t.” Alison began. “I’m pregnant”
Everyone gasped.
“You are?” Both Chris and Chris Carrabba replied. Chris hugged Alison.
“That’s great, We’re gonna have a baby together” Chris told Alison. Chris Carrabba’s heart broke into a million pieces. His eyes welled up. He turned and began to walk out of the church.
“Wait!” J.Lo yelled. “I’ll marry you Chris Carrabba”
“You will?” He smiled.
“What!” Ben Affleck yelled.
J.Lo ran over to Chris Carrabba and they started making out.
Sean looked over at Alison and Chris. He saw how happy they were.
“Congratulations man” was all that Sean could say to his brother. He looked at Alison for a second. Then he turned and headed for the exit. Everyone was silent. Sean left through the doors of the church and disappeared in the blizzard.
The wedding continued.
Chris and Alison said their vows and they were pronounced man and wife. Chris Carrabba and J.Lo also were married that same night.
At the reception Rachel hooked up with Colin Farrell for the night. (Who doesn’t?). Benji and the real Shakira were spotted making out a few times. Katie hooked up with that guy from The White Stripes. The next morning Chris and Alison were off to their exotic tropical island honeymoon. 14 days in Tahiti, Moorea, Huahine, and Bora Bora.
Rachel never saw Marco again. She thinks he hitched a ride back to Mexico. Colin Farrell felt sorry for Rachel and her two sons. He bought them a house in Studio City, California. Benji proposed to Shakira, but she said no.
While Alison and Chris were on the plane on their way to Tahiti she began sorting through her carry-on bag. She found a folded up piece of white paper. It read “To Alison”. She looked around. Her husband, Chris was asleep. She unfolded the paper.
My days without you are so dark, so long, so gray
My days without you
My days without you are so absurd, so bitter, so tough
My days without you
My days without you are night less
If a night does fall it’s useless to sleep
My days without you are a waste
The hours have no beginning or end
So lacking in air
So full of nothing
Useless junk
Trash on the ground
Flies in the house
My days without you are like a sky without silvery moons or signs of the sun
My days without you are just an echo that always repeats the same song
So lacking in air
So full of nothing
Useless junk
Trash on the ground
Flies in the house
I kick the stones into water
Still hoping that you’ll come back to me
Still searching the faces of old people for traces of children
Hunting for reasons to make me believe that I’m still alive
Biting my nails
Drowning in tears
Missing you so much
My days without you
How my days without you hurt
Love, Sean
FIN |
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