if i'm doing it, it's probably wrong

Sequel to Emo Alison story

2004-04-29T22:29:34Z

The Adventures of Emo Alison
“An Emo Wedding”
By Rachel Dyke (Lia Holloway too)

It was a cold, crisp, Saturday morning in Annapolis, Maryland. A fresh blanket of snow covered the cobblestone streets of old Naptown (Worldwide, What!). This day, December 18th 2004 was the day of Chris and Alison’s emo wedding. Chris had proposed to Alison on October 21st, her 18th birthday. He took her out to Starbucks, where they first met. Alison ordered a Venti White Chocolate Mocha in which Chris had secretly placed a 5-karat diamond and trillion cut diamond engagement ring worth $130,000 at the bottom of her cup. Alison almost choked and died on the ring, but Shakira saved the day and Alison’s life by giving her the Heimlich maneuver. Alison said yes, and they began planning for their winter nuptials after they were finished making out behind the cappuccino machine.

Shakira’s twin, Rachel had insisted on designing Alison’s dress but Alison politely declined fearing her dress turn out looking like a disaster of goose feathers, plastic flowers, and bedazzles. Alison compromised and agreed to let Rachel design the bridesmaid dresses. Alison’s
bridesmaids included Rachel, Lia and her twin J.Lo, Shakira, MTV VJ SuChin Pak, and Katie.

The night before:

Chris and Alison decided to have their rehearsal dinner at The Chart House down by the water in Annapolis. They rented out the entire restaurant for the evening. Chris and Alison greeted each and every one of their 150 guests. Including fellow emo Rachel who brought her Latino husband, Marco Consuelo and their 3-month old twin boys, Benji and Jose. How did this all happen you ask? Make a long story short. Rachel went for a weekend trip to Mexico and drank a few too many Mike’s Hard Lemonades. She came back to Maryland married and pregnant. Don’t even ask her what happened, cause she couldn’t tell you. By the end of the night everyone was wasted. Apparently P. Diddy crashed the party along with his posse. Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Method Man and Redman were among the attendees at this red carpet event where the Cristal was flowing like water.
It was about 11am when the plans for their evening wedding at St. Anne’s Church went underway. Alison and Chris had requested that the church be decorated with photos of their emo God, Chris Carrabba, looking away from the camera of course. A true emo never looks into the camera for it will rid him of his soul.
Alison walked down to Starbucks by herself and ordered a cappuccino just before she was due to pick up her wedding dress at the shop just across the street. Alison stepped outside onto the sidewalk into the snow making a trail of footprints as she walked to the edge of the street. She stood there with her hands shoved into the pockets of her black pea coat. She was waiting for a break in the traffic so she could pass over the cobblestone street to the other side. As the mid-day sun slowly shifted its glow over the colonial structures of Annapolis a glint of light reflected in the corner of her eye. She turned her head in the direction of the sparkle. A gust of icy wind blew her hair in her face and blocked her view. She pulled her hand out of her pocket and swept her hair to the side. Before her eyes stood an emo hottie she had never seen before. He had a barbell through his left eyebrow and stud in his nose, but her eyes naturally focused on his lip ring located in the center of his bottom lip. He was standing just a couple inches from her. She longed for the sleeve of his “Thursday” hoodie to graze against her side. He exhaled heavily and turned his attention toward her.
“Good times”, he said casually in an Adam Carolla like fashion. The color of his expressive deep brown eyes reminded her of the chocolate shavings sprinkled onto the whipped cream of her Starbucks Mocha Cappuccino. He smiled at her. His lip ring glistened like B2K’s platinum bling bling rings. Finally, Alison replied.
“Yeah...good times”, she could barely get the words out. He adjusted the loose pieces of his wispy jet-black hair under his green trucker hat.
“So…where are you off to?” he asked. Alison looked across the street and pointed to the Bridal Shop.
“I’m going to pick up my wedding dress”. She looked back at him.
“You’re getting married?!” he looked at her surprisingly.
“Yep”, Alison smiled.
“When?” He asked as he put his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie.
“6 o’clock tonight at St. Anne’s Church” she replied.
“Wow, congratulations!” he pulled his hands out of his front pocket and placed one on Alison’s shoulder. Then they walked across the street side by side. When they got to the other side, they turned and faced each other.
“Well, it was nice talking to you” Alison said.
“…Yeah, have fun and congratulations again on that” he told her.
“Thank you so much” Alison said. They waved and turned in the opposite directions. He got about five steps away and stopped. He stalled, and then finally turned around.
“Hey!”, Emo guy said. Alison turned around. “If you’re not doing anything after you get your dress I was wondering if you wanted to go to Ben & Jerry’s with me? We’ll get some Chunky Monkey” He was nervous.
“Um…sure. I think I’ll have some extra time before I have to go get ready” She said.
“Alright, I’ll meet you outside the store…I guess. When will you be finished?’ he asked.
“You know what, I have no idea. How about you wait inside the store with me” She offered.
“Really? That’d be great” He beamed.
“All of my bridesmaids are meeting me there. I’ll introduce you to them” She said.
“Thanks, I’d love to meet them” he exclaimed. He began to follow her into the store. He quickly walked up to the door before her and held it open.
SMACK! Alison wasn’t paying attention and walked into the wall next to the doorway.
“No one saw that!” She yelled. Emo guy laughed. Alison rubbed her throbbing head as she walked into the store.

The slutty blond-haired employee greeted them.
“How can I help you?” She said looking at them as she chewed her Icebreakers gum with her mouth open. Her pale blue eyes heavily lined with like 8 pounds of black eyeliner and 10 coats of mascara resembled that of Christina Aguilera. She wore enough lip-gloss to float a battleship and her hair was crispier than a McDonalds chicken sandwich. Alison and him were nearly knocked out by the scent of Glow by J.Lo that surrounded her.
“Um, I have a dress to pick up. Camp, Alison” She told the whorish employee in a mini skirt that she had no business wearing.
“I’ll go check,” She said turning away. Her torn nylons lay beneath her slutty BeBe hooker boots.
Emo boy puts his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans. He looked around the store. The way the crystal chandelier lit up the glazed cream-colored walls made him feel like grabbing his acoustic guitar and writing a song. Alison and him sat down at the antique colonial style white satin loveseat, which was placed in front of the magnificent bay window gently letting in the 12 o’clock sunlight through its sheer white curtains.
“What’s your name? I never asked” Alison said.
“I’m Sean” he replied.
“Alison” she responded.
The girl emerged in the room carrying a white silk beaded dress wrapped in plastic.
“Here you are Mr. And Mrs.---” She began.
“Oh no!” Sean and Alison both exclaimed. “Were not getting married” They both laughed.
“Do you want to try it on?” The girl asked as she carried the dress with her arms, which were orange and streaked with Hawaiian Tropic fake tanner.
“Sure” Alison replied.
Just then all of her bridesmaids emerged through the door with a burst of laughter and loud chatter. They had just come from the Bed& Breakfast down the street. The 6 girls greeted Alison, surrounded her, and gave her a big group hug. Alison got stuck between the insanely large asses of J.Lo and Shakira. Rachel’s husband came into the store shortly after pushing a stroller with the baby twins in it.
“Thank you mi chico latino” Rachel said as she greeted him at the door. “How are my little hotties?” She said happily leaning over the stroller. She picked up little Benji who was dressed in a black baby sized AFI shirt, a diaper, and tiny little converses. Black for sure. Little Jose was asleep clutching a mini-vinyl record as he drooled onto his Good Charlotte bib.
“Marco, you need to go rent your tuxedo”. Rachel held baby Benji with one arm and pulled her black crocodile skin Gucci wallet out of the back pocket of her Armani jeans. “Here’s $150, the store is right down the street” She handed him the money, patted him on the ass, then signaled him to go.
“No hablo ingles, Senorita” He said in Spanish looking very confused.
“Yeah, that sounds great” Rachel replied. “Now go, go! Vamanos!” she shouted. Marco exited out of the store and started walking in the wrong direction. With one hand Rachel pushed the stroller over to couch where Sean was sitting.
“Damn, you’re sexy!” Rachel exclaimed looking at him with his chocolate brown eyes and shaggy emo hair.
“Oh, this is Sean.” Alison walked over. “I met him outside” she explained to her. Rachel gave Alison approving thumbs up then she looked at Sean and gave him the double guns.
“Oh my God, Alison, you have to see the bridesmaid dresses” Rachel said as pulled the baby’s diaper bag out of the stroller. “Marco just finished sewing them last night”. She sat on the off-white colored carpet and began changing Benji. The twins had dark brown hair and dark eyes. Rachel was convinced that with Marco’s dark features and her curly hair the babies would turn out looking like Brandon Boyd from Incubus. Alison went into the back and tried on her designer Vera Wang dress that Vera had especially designed for her. A few minutes later she emerged from the dressing room. Everyone gasped. This was the first time anyone had ever seen her wearing it. She checked herself out in the mirror.
“Aww. Alison. Seeing you in that dress almost makes me wanna get married for the 27th time.” J.Lo said.
“Does it make my butt look big?” Alison asked Shakira as she checked her backside.
“Please…look who you are talking to for I am Shakira, the number one Colombian big booty queen” she replied in her comical Spanish accent.
“Oh my God!” Alison exclaimed.
“Oh my God, What?” Rachel asked.
“I think I’m gonna throw up” Alison said holding her hand over her mouth. She bolted to the back of the store and went into the bathroom.
“Oh my God, I hope she’s okay. The wedding is in like 5 hours”. J.Lo said.
“Maybe she’s just nervous” SuChin Pak said.
“Maybe she’s pregnant…” Rachel said as she put Benji’s baby black Dickies on.
Alison stumbled out the bathroom door. They all rushed over to her including Sean.
“Take off the dress, you’ll get icky on it” Shakira said.
“Alison, have you been having pre-martial relations with Chris?” Rachel question. “Cause that is a big ‘no dice’”. Rachel did the “no dice” hand movements.
“Look who’s talking” Alison said.
“Hey, were talking about you here, not me” Rachel quickly replied. “Have you got your flow this month?”
“No…”Alison replied holding her stomach in pain.
“Just as I suspected. You should take a pregnancy test”. Rachel responded. “You really should, I’ll go pick one up”.
Rachel went and put Benji back into his stroller.
“Sean, you’re coming with me,” Rachel ordered.
“Uhhh…” Sean tried to come up with an excuse but Rachel yanked him by his hoodie and pulled him out of the store.

They arrived at the drugstore just at the end of the street. Rachel led Sean to the feminine products. (She knew exactly where they were) They walked up to the checkout line and standing in front of her was Alison’s to-be husband, emo Chris. Sean took one look at him and picked up an InStyle magazine and pretended to read it.

“Chris, what are you doing here?” Rachel asked. She gasped. “Chris! Are you buying cigarettes?”
She exclaimed referring to his box of Camel Lights.
“I know, I know!” Chris said as his hung his head in shame. His slightly greasy hair fell over his eyes. “This whole thing is making me nervous and-” Chris paused.
“Who’s that pregnancy test for?” He asked. Rachel looked down at the EPT test in her hand.
“Alis-…I mean…me” Rachel answered.
“Oh…didn’t you just have kids like a few months ago.” Chris asked. Rachel nodded. “Jesus Christ, you’re turning into Kelly Ripa.” He added.
“Well, I gotta go back to the hotel and get ready” Chris said putting the cigarettes in the front pocket of his black Dickies button up shirt. “See you tonight”. He left
Sean put the December InStyle with Jennifer Love Hewitt on the cover back on the newsstand.
“Oh my God!, I hate that guy” He exclaimed.
“Why?” Rachel asked. “That’s Alison’s fiancé”.
“That’s who Alison is marrying?” Sean said. He was pissed.
“Why, what’d he do?” Rachel was concerned. Sean sighed and looked around.
“Chris is my half-brother. His dad married my mom when I was 6. They moved into our house.” Sean began. “We got along really good at first. We were like best friends. Just for fun we decided to start band when were like 15”
“An emo band?” Rachel asked.
“Of course” Sean replied. “Anyway, it was okay at first. We both had decided I was lead singer and he was lead guitar cause I can sing better than him. Then, he accused me of things like hooking up with his girlfriend, he said I wore fake Converses, that I copied off of him when I got my lip pierced…. I could go on. We got into this huge fight after a show once. The cops showed up. We were both arrested. Chris told our parents that I started it. I was so pissed at everyone, I moved out and lived with the drummer of the band for a while and I haven’t talked to Chris since. I try to keep everything on the DL. I barely leave the house anymore during the day.”
“Wait” Rachel said. “No one told you that your own brother was getting married?”
“No, I don’t talk to my mom or my step-dad anymore” Sean replied. “I’m moving to California after New Years. I hate it here.”
“What’ll you do?” Rachel asked.
“I don’t know, I’ll figure it out someday” Sean trailed off. “I’m really sorry, but I gotta go”
“Why?” Rachel asked.
“I need to think” Sean said as he began to walk away. “Listen, don’t tell Alison what I just told you about Chris”.
“You got it”. Rachel replied. “Will she ever see you again?”
Sean stopped and turned around. He looked at Rachel.
“I don’t think so”. He exited through the sliding glass doors.

Rachel returned to the bridal shop carrying the plastic bag containing the pregnancy test. Alison greeted her.
“Where’s Sean?”. She asked.
“He had to go.” Rachel walked over to the stroller with her twins in it. Jose was getting fussy. She picked him up and checked his diaper.
“Are you gonna take the test?” Rachel asked.
“Yeah, I should.” Alison sighed. “I’m worried”
“Why, you’re getting married. It’s not like you’ll be alone with a baby. I’m sure it’ll be great news if you are”.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Alison said. She walked to the back of the store, entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her. About 15 minutes later Alison exited. She was silent. All of her bridesmaids huddled around her in curiosity.
“Positive”. Alison said.

St. Anne’s Church was decorated lavishly in deep reds, glowing gold, and sparkling crystal whites. Inside the church gave a contrasting warm atmosphere against the cold December air outside. All of the guests were seated in the pews decorated with lilies and twinkle lights. Alison was in one of the back rooms making sure she looked perfect. All of her bridesmaids were wearing their floral dresses for the first time. Each girl wore a different color dress. Rachel in yellow, Lia in purple, SuChin in red, Shakira in orange, J.Lo in green, and Katie in pink. Chris was in a separate room with his groomsmen. A cloud of cigarette smoke escaped the room every time one of the guys opened the door. Chris’ groomsmen included Joel, Benji, Billy, and Paul from Good Charlotte, Ashton Kutcher, and Colin Farrell. The 6:00pm wedding was due to begin in 10 minutes. The soft chatter of the guests could be heard throughout the church. Some of the guests included John Mayer, B2K, Quinn from The Used, Conan O’Brien, Nicole Kidman, Josh Hartnett, Ewan McGregor, Kate Winslet, Heath Ledger, Ben Affleck, Kate Hudson, Jay Mohr, Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew, Jimmy Kimmel, John Cusack, Cameron Diaz, Gwyneth Paltrow, Christina Aguilera, David Alan Grier, Robbie Williams, The Osbournes, Keanu Reeves, Enrique Inglesias, Jack Black, Christopher Walken, Mike Myers, Halle Berry, Jimmy Fallon, Tom Welling, Avril Lavigne and the Spice Girls just to name a few. The reception included performances from The White Stripes, Finch, The All-American Rejects, and a special performance from Jimmy Fallon.
The wedding planner came by the rooms of the bridesmaids and groomsmen.
“It’s starting” She said. “Walk out and pair off”.
Alison’s maid of honor Rachel walked down the aisle with Chris’ best man, Colin Farrell. Rachel was down with that. She just realized that she hadn’t seen her husband, Marco since earlier that afternoon at the bridal shop. She shrugged it off and met up with Colin at the end of the aisle. They interlocked arms and began to walk. Joel was with J.Lo, Benji was with Shakira, Billy was with Lia, Paul was with SuChin, and Katie was paired with Ashton.
The wedding went underway without a hitch until the preist asked.
“Is there any reason why these two should not be married? Speak now or forever hold your peace”.

The door to the chapel swung open letting in a gust of cold air. Some guy entered. No one could see his face since his hoodie was covering it. He raced to the front of the church and tore off the hood from his head. It was Sean. He shook out his hair sending snowflakes flying in all directions.
The church spectators murmured in confusion.
“Sean!?” Chris exclaimed.
“How do you know Sean?” Alison asked Chris.
“How do you know Sean?” Chris asked Alison.
“Alison, I love you! I love you more than Chris ever will.” Sean yelled.
Everyone gasped. Chris grabbed Sean by the neck.
“You need to leave dude,” Chris said to Sean in an angry tone.
“RACHEL’S NOT EMO!” Lia yelled. The crowd gasped. Rachel looked around.
“You bitch!” Rachel exclaimed.
Suddenly a loud crash came from above. The audience shrieked in horror. Pieces of the ceiling fell through onto the floor. Finally Shakira came into view. She wore a jetpack and landed in the middle of the church.
“Shakira? But I thought Shakira was already here” Benji looked at Shakira on his arm.
She walked over to her.
“This is not Shakira. I am the only Shakira. This is an imposter.” She yelled in her Spanish accent.
She ripped of the Shakira mask and wig.
The audience gasped.
“Chris Carrabba!” Alison exclaimed. “You were disguised Shakira this whole time?”
“Yes” Chris replied.
“At the coffee shop…You saved me from choking on my ring” She said.
“I know… I love you Alison” Chris Carrabba replied. “Come on, I’ll take you away from here. We’ll live on a farm and have lots of kids.”
“Chris, I can’t.” Alison began. “I’m pregnant”
Everyone gasped.
“You are?” Both Chris and Chris Carrabba replied. Chris hugged Alison.
“That’s great, We’re gonna have a baby together” Chris told Alison. Chris Carrabba’s heart broke into a million pieces. His eyes welled up. He turned and began to walk out of the church.
“Wait!” J.Lo yelled. “I’ll marry you Chris Carrabba”
“You will?” He smiled.
“What!” Ben Affleck yelled.
J.Lo ran over to Chris Carrabba and they started making out.
Sean looked over at Alison and Chris. He saw how happy they were.
“Congratulations man” was all that Sean could say to his brother. He looked at Alison for a second. Then he turned and headed for the exit. Everyone was silent. Sean left through the doors of the church and disappeared in the blizzard.
The wedding continued.
Chris and Alison said their vows and they were pronounced man and wife. Chris Carrabba and J.Lo also were married that same night.
At the reception Rachel hooked up with Colin Farrell for the night. (Who doesn’t?). Benji and the real Shakira were spotted making out a few times. Katie hooked up with that guy from The White Stripes. The next morning Chris and Alison were off to their exotic tropical island honeymoon. 14 days in Tahiti, Moorea, Huahine, and Bora Bora.
Rachel never saw Marco again. She thinks he hitched a ride back to Mexico. Colin Farrell felt sorry for Rachel and her two sons. He bought them a house in Studio City, California. Benji proposed to Shakira, but she said no.
While Alison and Chris were on the plane on their way to Tahiti she began sorting through her carry-on bag. She found a folded up piece of white paper. It read “To Alison”. She looked around. Her husband, Chris was asleep. She unfolded the paper.

My days without you are so dark, so long, so gray
My days without you
My days without you are so absurd, so bitter, so tough
My days without you
My days without you are night less
If a night does fall it’s useless to sleep
My days without you are a waste
The hours have no beginning or end
So lacking in air
So full of nothing
Useless junk
Trash on the ground
Flies in the house
My days without you are like a sky without silvery moons or signs of the sun
My days without you are just an echo that always repeats the same song
So lacking in air
So full of nothing
Useless junk
Trash on the ground
Flies in the house
I kick the stones into water
Still hoping that you’ll come back to me
Still searching the faces of old people for traces of children
Hunting for reasons to make me believe that I’m still alive
Biting my nails
Drowning in tears
Missing you so much
My days without you
How my days without you hurt
Love, Sean

FIN

The Adventures of Emo Alison

2004-04-29T21:39:33Z

The Adventures of Emo Alison
“Chris”

It was a cold and rainy Friday afternoon in Gambrills, Maryland. Alison arrived home feeling a bit more emo than usual. She needed to make her daily trip to the coffee house and then head over to Best Buy to get the newly released “Dashboard Confessional” CD. It was a special edition CD containing Chris Carrabba’s acoustic versions of Juvenile’s “Back That Azz Up”, Master P’s “Make Em Say Ugh”, and 8O extra minutes of Chris Carrabba crying. She was so excited that she started to cry.
Alison put on her red and black argyle socks, her green vintage shirt that read “Pickle Party” which displayed a comical drawing of a pickle wearing a party hat. Alison wore several bracelets on her wrists including a seashell embellished one that she had received from her close friend, Shakira. She also wore the studded bracelet she had received as a gift from Shakira’s twin, Rachel. Alison threw on her black Dickies pants and a 3-row studded pyramid belt. At the front door she slid into her dirty worn-in All Star Converses. Black for sure. She quickly grabbed her denim jacket covered in patches of her favorite emo bands and buttons displaying “The Goonies”, “Audrey Hepburn”, and “Crank Yankers” characters. Then she pulled out her car keys and shut the door behind her.
Outside she approached her forest green Toyota “Adam” Carolla, which she named after the famous radio personality and the star of “The Man Show” who talks about jacking off, retarded kids, and his favorite old porn movie “Taboo II”.
Alison arrived at the emo coffee house where she spotted two of her emo friends, Lia and Rachel. They were up on stage performing “Adrienne” by The Calling. Rachel was standing in front of the microphone holding it with one hand and holding a bottle of Evian in the other hand with an unlit cigarette in between her two fingers. Lia sat behind her on a stool equipped with bongos:
“Adrienne” *bongo solo* “I thought I knew you”
*bongo solo* “Once again” *bongo solo*
“You used me…used me up”
*Crescendo*
The audience applauds. Rachel takes a bow.
“Thank you, thank you, no, no autographs please” Rachel said to her many adoring fans.
Alison walks up to the counter to order her favorite drink, White Chocolate Mocha Latte with extra foam and mixture of cinnamon and powdered sugar on the top. No one was there so she rang the service bell sitting on the counter next to the cash register. A guy comes out from the back. Right away Alison realizes that this is no ordinary guy. He wore his long jet-black hair shaggy like he just got out of bed. His glistening baby blue Ewan McGregor-like eyes pierced through her emo heart. He wore a ring in his bottom lip that made Alison feel weak. Several thick studded bracelets and a seashell one identical to hers accentuated his toned arms.
“Nice bracelet” she said trembling, referring to the seashell one.
“Thanks” he replied, looking at his, then at hers.
“I got mine from Shakira” he added.
She gasped. “Me too”
“You know Shakira?” he asked.
“I love Shakira,” she said.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“What?” Alison asked loudly.
He paused.
“Nothing…what can I get you?” he asked.
“Um…I’d like a White Chocolate Mocha Latte with ex---” she started. Emo boy cut her off.
“Extra foam and a mixture of cinnamon and powdered sugar on the top” he finished.
She stared at him in disbelief for a second.
“How did you know that?” she asked amazed.
“That’s my favorite drink,” he told her.
“That’s my favorite drink,” she said. “Can I have a bendy straw too?”
“You like bendy straws?” he asked.
“I love bendy straws,” Alison replied.
“I love you,” Emo boy said.
She stared into his sparkling eyes then suddenly she scrambled over the counter as quickly as she could and started making out with the hot emo guy. They fell to the floor and kept going at it against the cappuccino machine.
45 minutes later they abruptly stopped making out when Alison realized she still needed to get her beloved Dashboard Confessional CD. They stood up from behind the counter and he straightened out his ¾ length “Thursday” band t-shirt and dusted off his torn vintage jeans then re-adjusted his wallet chain.
“I…I…I have to go” Alison stuttered as she turned and headed for the door.
“Why?” he asked, “Is there someone else?”
She stopped and turned around, “Yes”.
His heart broke into a million pieces.
“His name is Chris Carrabba”, she turns and walks out of the coffee shop. Emo boy falls to his knees.

Alison pulled up to the Best Buy parking lot. It was pouring outside. She ran quickly to the sliding doors. When Alison entered the store she started to walk over to where the Dashboard CD’s were. On her way over there she suddenly tripped over something and tumbled to the floor. Rachel stood up.
“Oh sorry Alison. One of my Doc Marten’s came untied,” she said.
“Perfectly understandable,” replied Alison. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I came to get that new B2K joint”, Rachel told her. “My boyfriend, Lil’ Fiz can’t hook me up with free jams so he told me I gotta represent and buy 10 albums so they go platinum and then Lil’ Fiz will be able to buy me more bling bling,” She explained.
“Oh, that’s understandable also,” Alison replied.
“What are you doing here?” Rachel asked.
“I’m getting the new Dashboard CD,” Alison said happily.
“Oh my God, I hate to tell you this, but, I just saw Lia buy the last one, they’re all gone,” Rachel informed her.
Alison’s eyes began to well up.
“What?” she was visibly shaking and began to feel nauseous, “No, No, NOOOOOOO!” she screamed causing everyone to look over. She shoved Rachel out of the way and into a wall of “Signs” DVDs then ran to the back of the store to the aisle with all the Anime and Pokemon movies. She collapses onto the carpet and rolls into a ball and starts to cry.

“Don’t cry Alison,” someone says. She looks up. To her surprise it was the same hot emo guy she had just made out with at the coffee house. He knelt down beside her.
“What are you doing here?” she asked tearfully.
“After you left I rolled up into a ball and started crying but then out of nowhere Shakira and Adam Carolla came into the coffee house”:

Flashback
“Why you cry emo boy?” Shakira asked him.
“Yeah, you pussy, what are you? Gay?” Adam added.
“She…She loves Chris Carrabba…not me,” Emo boy cried.
“Carrabba? I don’t trust a guy with a name like that. Is he queer like you? Adam asked.
“Adam! Don’t make fun of sad boy,” Shakira yelled. She sat down beside him and wiped his tears. “Little Emo, you must go to Alison and tell her ‘love I have for you,’” She said.
“And after you do that you do real good in school and get your grades up then go off far away to some college…and don’t get anyone pregnant for Christ’s sake.” Adam said.
“You’re right, that’s what I need to do,” Emo boy said. “Thank you Miss Shakira…but…I have no idea where she went”
“I heard Alison was headed toward Best Buy. Oh, and while you’re there pick up my favorite old porn movie, “Taboo II”. It’s about a guy named Junior who’s not only banging his girlfriend, but his sister and his mom,” Adam said, “Here, let me sing the theme song”
Emo boy stumbled to his feet and ran out the door.
“How dare you!” Adam exclaimed.
“Vamos! Emo boy, vamos!” Shakira yelled.
“So, Shiquita, Wanna head over to that new Mexican restaurant?” Adam asked.
End of Flashback

“Alison,” Emo boy said. “Shakira wanted me to say “Love I have for you”. He took her hands.
“Oh ok…what’s that mean?” Alison asked.
“It means ‘I love you,” he said. “I’m here. Chris Carrabba’s not”
“Oh, I love you too hot emo guy,” she confessed. They started making out but Alison pulled away.
“Wait, what’s your real name,” she asked.
“Chris,” he replied, “No, not Chris Carrabba,” he assured her. They both laughed. Then Chris became serious.
“Um Alison,” He pulled a silver ring off his pinkie finger. “Will you be my emo girlfriend?” he asked.
“Of course I will Chris!” Alison exclaimed.

She removed a chain from her neck and slid the ring on it. Chris put it back on for her. They started making out again in front of the Anime DVD’s and a little boy starts to cry because he can’t get to his video. Meanwhile, Lia skips by happily with her new Dashboard CD and Rachel walks out of Best Buy hand in hand with the alien from “Signs”.

Fin

poem about an evil bear

2004-04-29T02:43:47Z

The Sinington Bear was a mean little bear
Angry at the world, cause life’s not fair
His seams were ripped, he was losing his hair
Locked in a room, sitting in a chair

The Sinington Bear was an angry little bear
He waited till the sun went down
Grabbed a knife and snuck out of the house
Down the streets he walked with a frown

His only joy came from hookers and booze
He had so much to see, but nothing to lose
Two blunts later and a pint of Jim Beam
He was all fucked up, he wanted to scream

One dirty whore later and call on his cell
The Sinington Bear ditched the motel
Walking on the bridge he decided to stop
Pulled out the knife and began hacking non-stop

Busting his seams, and tearing the thread
Yelling and screaming, “I should be dead!”
He tore out his buttons, the stuffing, the fluff
The Sinington Bear had finally had enough

um

2003-12-28T01:29:34Z

He comes from an Emo place
And I live a block away
Intrigues me with every move
Til’ I'm breathless, I’m helpless
Can't keep my emo-cool
Steals my vinyls when he takes my hand
And we nod, to the rhythm of Dashboard, and,
I feel his finger tips, grip my hips
And I cry as we dip into a state of bliss

Carrabba used to warn me
To beware of Emo Lovers
He said he gave his heart to soon
And that how he got with my mother
I said "Ay Carrabba" you seen to forget
I'm not in emolove yet
Sweater vests don't win me over
But I realized
Big black converses can hypnotize when he says

I am full blood indie Emo
Reads the journal in his arms
He tells me "Lia i need ya"
And my heartbeat pumps so strong
Getting lost in "el emo"
He whispers "I'm emo, I'm emo"
I begin to give in with no hesitation
Can't help my emo-infatuation.

Bret is cool

2003-09-22T22:14:24Z

Bret is a really cool guy.

Lia is making me write in my journal

2003-07-14T00:26:02Z

I don't want to but no one will read this anyway, lia has a gun to my head

My first journal entry

2003-06-24T02:53:46Z

what's up!